Chapter 1 The meeting The exact time chosen, the autumn of 1867, was selected because I was then about to undertake other literary work in editing a new magazine 鈥?of which I shall speak very shortly. But in addition to these reasons there was another, which was, I think, at last the actuating cause. When Sir Rowland Hill left the Post Office, and my brother-in-law, Mr. Tilley, became Secretary in his place, I applied for the vacant office of Under-Secretary. Had I obtained this I should have given up my hunting, have given up much of my literary work 鈥?at any rate would have edited no magazine 鈥?and would have returned to the habit of my youth in going daily to the General Post Office. There was very much against such a change in life. The increase of salary would not have amounted to above 锟?00 a year, and I should have lost much more than that in literary remuneration. I should have felt bitterly the slavery of attendance at an office, from which I had then been exempt for five-and-twenty years. I should, too, have greatly missed the sport which I loved. But I was attached to the department, had imbued myself with a thorough love of letters 鈥?I mean the letters which are carried by the post 鈥?and was anxious for their welfare as though they were all my own. In short, I wished to continue the connection. I did not wish, moreover, that any younger officer should again pass over my head. I believed that I bad been a valuable public servant, and I will own to a feeling existing at that time that I had not altogether been well treated. I was probably wrong in this. I had been allowed to hunt 鈥?and to do as I pleased, and to say what I liked, and had in that way received my reward. I applied for the office, but Mr. Scudamore was appointed to it. He no doubt was possessed of gifts which I did not possess. He understood the manipulation of money and the use of figures, and was a great accountant. I think that I might have been more useful in regard to the labours and wages of the immense body of men employed by the Post Office. However, Mr. Scudamore was appointed; and I made up my mind that I would fall back upon my old intention, and leave the department. I think I allowed two years to pass before I took the step; and the day on which I sent the letter was to me most melancholy. 欧美VIVOdesHD，欧美专区欧美图片，欧美大片在线视频-中文字幕无线码,中文字幕免费电影 Chapter 43 鈥淲hy not? Am I not a man? Haven鈥檛 I lived my life? Haven鈥檛 I had my share of its joys and sorrows? Why should it surprise you that I have a daughter?鈥? In the preceding pages I have given a short record of the first twenty-six years of my life 鈥?years of suffering, disgrace, and inward remorse. I fear that my mode of telling will have left an idea simply of their absurdities; but, in truth, I was wretched 鈥?sometimes almost unto death, and have often cursed the hour in which I was born. There had clung to me a feeling that I had been looked upon always as an evil, an encumbrance, a useless thing 鈥?as a creature of whom those connected with him had to be ashamed. And I feel certain now that in my young days I was so regarded. Even my few friends who had found with me a certain capacity for enjoyment were half afraid of me. I acknowledge the weakness of a great desire to be loved 鈥?of a strong wish to be popular with my associates. No child, no boy, no lad, no young man, had ever been less so. And I had been so poor, and so little able to bear poverty. But from the day on which I set my foot in Ireland all these evils went away from me. Since that time who has had a happier life than mine? Looking round upon all those I know, I cannot put my hand upon one. But all is not over yet. And, mindful of that, remembering how great is the agony of adversity, how crushing the despondency of degradation, how susceptible I am myself to the misery coming from contempt 鈥?remembering also how quickly good things may go and evil things come 鈥?I am often again tempted to hope, almost to pray, that the end may be near. Things may be going well now 鈥? 鈥淣or I,鈥?said Martin. "We must have walked five miles," said the Colonel, "following the course of a small stream. On ascending a low hill we looked cautiously over its crest. Before us was a scene I shall never forget. Several huge animals were standing within range under a clump of willows, nibbling at their twigs. The tall, broad, palm-like antlers that rose from the head of one of them, the immense size and ungainly forms, the long legs and ass-like ears, the immense heads with overhanging lips, the short necks with their standing manes, left no doubt in my mind that they were moose, for I had never before seen one. They were all of a dark brown color, almost blackish in the distance, the large one being darker than the others.